comfort room

Everyone wants it, a “comfort” room. A place where one can find refuge, a place where all the worries drift, where all the positive thoughts are kept intact.

As much as I don’t want to change, change is hauling me, chasing me. In a little time I might get into the dead end and embrace that change altogether.

This morning a blog post awe struck me, taken me aback and hit me right through. It made me think and to reevaluate myself.

I’ve always been the good girl. Never fights with anyone. Never argues. Never insists. I could pass for a saint. But darn those days seem to end soon. However I want to keep myself that way I need to toughen up. It will be for the better. I am beginning to get tired of saying yes. I want to put myself first this time. I don’t want to be a push over anymore.

Top Ten things I do when bored, when blue

1. Eat fatty, carbohydrate rich, grease fortified food.

2. Read random personal blogs.

3. Look at old pictures of happy moments.

4. Have brutally honest conversations with my intellectually stimulating close friends.

5. Comb my hair, as if straightening the strands will straighten the problem.

6. Look at my toenails and notice how they have been poorly taken cared of lately.

7. wish that I have lots of money to splurge for shopping

8. Wish that I have a yellow Porsche, a red Jaguar or a black Chevy Suburban.

9. wish that I am in New Zealand, Switzerland or Tokyo

10. Wish that I don’t have the reasons to do/think of numbers 1-9

10. Wish that someone will understand me and stay by my side even if I am not the best me.

a call

In this years’ Valentines Day I saw a love that can be far noble and divine than any other kind of love. Valentines day is not only a time to celebrate that romantic love but more importantly it is a time to take a look and to notice the love that is more real but is often taken for granted.

In the night of February 14 we went to a hospital in Las Pinas to visit Gino. Gino is the nephew of my brother’s wife. It was heartbreaking to see him in his hospital bed. I didn’t manage to say a word the entire time that I was there. I was silent the whole time but inside of me I feel like crying not only for feeling sorry but more out of anger.

Gino has been in the hospital for months already. Gino met an accident. He was run over by a truck. He had a cranium operation. A week after his first operation the doctor told his family to take him home. Then he had complications. His skull has to be opened again. He is comatose. The bill surges to almost 2 million pesos.

He looks very different from what I can remember of him in the few times that I have seen him. He was tall and robust and is about the same age as mine.

His family amidst the enormity of the problem in front of them is still holding on and are doing their best to stay strong. They are doing everything to cling to Gino’s life.

What about LOVE?

As what we all know even if some wouldn’t want to notice tomorrow will be Valentine’s Day. I don’t care about it anyway but I have nothing against those who will tear down their wallet or scrape off their cards for the sake of V-Day.

Relationship topics are something I don’t usually talk about much more share to a lot of people. This is the first time that I will reveal what I have to say about it here in my blog.

Liberation is something I would like to have being 21. In which I should be able to assert myself, to express my thoughts and ideas and to be open to other people. I want to achieve that goal responsibly.

I am not someone who talks a lot personally. It’s hard for me to open up. I am better read than heard. Maybe to share my thoughts regarding this kind of topic is a good step to take to achieve that goal.

Love or should I say romantic relationship is complicated. Needless to say that’s why there is a very well used status tag in Friendster, It’s Complicated.

Love is something that is felt but relationship is a decision that is made.

ouch…

ouch…

hotdog

Haha! We’ve let ourselves get under the rain in the name of hotdogs! At 3pm after beating the deadline for the tasks assigned to us this morning I felt like craving for mini stop’s chicken hotdog, Aimee wanted a hotdog too. We went down the building and there walked (run) through the rain.

We’ve added noodles to complete our meal. Now I feel like I have a headache. That’s all in the name of hotdog!

I don’t have much to say today. We’re doing fine. We’re getting the hang of things around here.

it has just begun

Our new venture right now is pressuring and challenging but at the same time it’s very rewarding. As the task is assigned to us I would feel a rush. Each one is a new challenge and I know they don’t want excuses they want results. Inside of me I feel like screaming in panic and excitement but I can’t do it aloud so I will type in the friendster bulletin as if it’s my Twitter to release the tension. I hope my friendster friends will not be annoyed with my frequent postings. I hope you understand.

Each day is like a battle. The moment we head home we feel tired as well as triumphant because another day of learning and getting through the process of becoming not only a better apprentice but as a person as a whole has been completed.

In the four days in this new phase I know I need to be confident more especially in the way I speak. I need to change some of my attitude. It includes becoming more expressive, spontaneous and maybe just be cool.

It is not that easy here but it’s good. I know this will make me better.

Justin, Happy Birthday!

best of both worlds

Since Monday we’ve been going to Ortigas for our OJT. I and Aimee are still together. We often joke that we might already look alike when we go back to Baler. Nonetheless, it’s a good thing that we’re together. We have each other as we take on more challenges of the metro.

What we have right now is entirely different with what we used to have before which is a good thing. I think we’re lucky enough to get the chance to experience two types of workplace, in the government which is conservative and here in the private sector which is liberal.

I wouldn’t like to compare the two all I can say is that they are both helping me to be a better me. I am doing my best to live it up by absorbing what is good and abstaining from what I consider not so nice.

I am happy with what we are experiencing right now. It feels like God is paying off all the hard times we’ve been through as we went along the ojt journey. Our experiences are somehow preparing us for the more challenging world ahead when the time comes that we can already seek official employment.

Another thing that I like with our new ojt venture is that what we are doing is in line with some of my interests. It’s going to be a great learning experience.

In the last two nights that I and Aimee have walked through the pathways of Ortigas along the high rise buildings in our way home we have smiled the smile of triumph. What we’ve got started off from scratch.We took on the process. It was a painful process but still we have survived.

I am just hoping that we’ll be able to get pass all the difficulties that will come our way. I am really willing to learn and to make the necessary adjustments in order to fulfill the things that the company is expecting from me.

OJT twist

I and Aimee’s ojt journey took a new turn. Wednesday morning we were contacted by the human resource officer of the company we applied for and had an exam at last December.

Australian Open Finals

It was heartbreaking to see Roger Federer in tears after he lost the championship over Rafael Nadal. It was a 4 hour and 23 minutes of tennis action. Nadal beat Federer after five sets. The score was 7-5 3-6 7-6(3) 3-6 6-2

Last night I watched the final match over Star Sports. It was so hot in the court not only because of the high temperature in Melbourne but also because of the scorching heat of the rivalry between Nadal and Federer. The Australian Open 2009 was not the first time these two great players have met. Both Nadal and Federer tennis skills are at par but still i am a Federer fan. I love the swiss man, dude!^^

Meanwhile, the championship match in the women’s category was won by Serena Williams over Dinara Safina of Russia. Williams swept Safina with a score of 6-0 and 6-3. Serena is now among the legendary figures in women’s tennis alongside Stefi Graf, Martina Navratilova and others. However, her sister Venus reached only the second round in this years’ Australian Open singles category after being defeated by Dinara Safina.

But the Williams sisters won the doubles finals against Hantuchova and Sugiyama.

My other favorite player since 2003, Andy Roddick lost to my ultimate favorite Roger Federer in the semis.

I will watch out for the next grand slam event.

Fun, action, drama – all these and more in Tennis!

Love Me Again

Kuya ronie and his wife Ate Vi had a date last night. They were so thoughtful and kind they had me along with them. Chaperone ako, baka magtanan kasi sila!hehe.

Ate Vi and Kuya Ronie

We drove to SM megamall at eight thirty in the evening. We watched the last full show of the movie Love Me Again starring Papa Piolo and Angel Locsin.

The theater was near empty.

If I’m going to rate the movie I will give it a three out of ten. Production wise it’s good but the story wasn’t. The movie was like skating on thin ice in terms of the storyline.

I think the movie intended to showcase many things other than the story. It includes the superb Bukidnon landscape, the Australian outback, the Filipinos’ cowboy culture, Angel’s brilliant horse back riding ability, and papa Piolo’s ever strong appeal and beautiful body.

The story of the movie revolved around the typical quest of Filipinos for the greener pasture intertwined with the common frailties that go along when a family member had to go abroad leaving behind a family and a loved one.

The movie opened with the courtship between Ara(Angel) and Migo (Piolo). Ara dares Migo to defeat her in horse back riding if he wants to win her heart. They raced several times but Migo never win but still they became a couple eventually.

The conflict in the story happened when Ara chose to pursue her dreams when the opportunity came her way. She decided to go to Australia contrary to what Migo wanted her to do.

When she went away their different interests and other personal dilemmas set them apart.

Eventually Migo decided to follow Ara in Australia to win her back. However another man, Ara’s Australian boss was already between the two of them. Bryan carries a promise of secure future for Ara and her family.

If Ara marries Bryan she will have everything but not love. Bryan can only give him partnership but if she chooses Migo she’ll be back in Bukidnon living the simple life but she’ll be with the man she loved again.

So what do you think she chose? Love or Money?

I know you already know the answer. This kind of story has been told a hundred times before.

outside the theater

i concede

“Yah, I know! Ambitious kami”

That was my message to a friend when I’ve finally decided to have an OJT in a government agency. I am disappointed the same way that I expect how my classmates and instructors would be disappointed with us.

I and Aimee have been going to office for four days already.

At first I was disheartened. Aimee cheered me up. She said that we should just make the best out of what we’ve got. Maybe our aim to get into those I.T companies were yet to be realized. Perhaps it’s a must that we get through all these.

Yes, we aimed high. I know some would even say that we’re mayabang. If it’s going to be taken against us there’s nothing we could do other than to accept it. There’s nothing wrong with hoping and trying, right? At least, as usual, we learned…

thankful

It’s been a while since I last wrote an extensive post. I’d like to do one this time. There are times that I find it hard to write but when I remember that I am blogging mostly for my self, to take a record of my life I get motivated to write again.

This morning I had a pleasant surprise. A friendster friend sent me a message. It says

A message from 1st NoeLLe:

hello!

good day! you’ve been introduced to me by Precy,when she learned that i’m from bianuan too.

thanks for adding me to your friends list,

I’m a big fan of your blogs,you’ve got talents…

best regards to you and your family,

keep up the good work…

GODBLESS!

I am really flattered and I really appreciate it. Being able to express myself is already a reward to me so to be appreciated or to receive positive comments is more than enough to make me smile and be thankful.

I don’t see myself as someone who is good in anything. In everything I do I just give what I can with a purpose to be better than yesterday. I know I have so much to learn. Life is a continuous process of learning as I often say. It’s a journey that I am loving to take on together with Him, my family and friends and people I have met and will be meeting in the future.

Probably this would be my last entry for this year. After I’ve posted this I will fix my things and go to Baler. At 7pm it will be our high school reunion. Tomorrow I am going home to Casiguran to spend New Year with my parents and three of my nine kuyas and ates. Haha finally I have revealed. Yes we’re ten children in the family. I am the youngest.

Although we’re a big family we were seldom complete. Well, that’s part of growing up. Each one of us has our own lives to lead. It just so happens that we can’t be together. Nonetheless one thing will not change and its the fact that we are family. No matter what and where ever we are the tie that binds us will always be there.

I would say 2008 was a good year for me. I have learned so much this year. One of these is to be positive in life. I have learned to be thankful in everything. To count my blessings and not the things that I don’t have. I am glad that I’ve been able to be mature in a thing or two.

I am thankful that I have my family. Although I seldom get to see or talk to most of them I know they have never forgotten about me. I will always be their “May”. I feel blessed for having them.

I am happy that I have many friends. Through the years my high school friends have shown me that they are for real. Whether I was up or I was down they were always there for me. There was a time that I got drowned out on my own and wanted to be by myself but when I got over it and was ready to mingle again they still accepted me with open arms.

On Christmas Day I was with some of them. The day after when I was home and thought of the day that passed I can’t help but smile because I’ve seen how lucky I am for having them. Most of them have already graduated from College, UP graduates, but I’ve never felt like they have changed. They were still the same friends I’ve known since our first year in high school.

I am also happy because more friends came into my life. They were the ones I met in College. My classmates and other acquaintances. And also my classmates and friends in elementary. They have become part of my life and they will never be forgotten.

Definitely life is not a bed of roses. Things don’t always come easy. But it doesn’t really matter. What’s important is that we learn. I have learned to enjoy life. To live life by the present, to be contented while working on achieving greater things and to accept myself for who I am without comparing myself with the others.

I am glad that somehow I could say that I am not an insecure person. Sometimes insecurities are self inflicted and could be destructive. I accept the fact that I have many flaws physical or otherwise. But these flaws don’t make me less of a person. All I have to do is to keep on getting a little better than the day before.

I am happy when I know the people I care for are happy and are succeeding in life. My friends who are now climbing up the ladder of success are inspirations to me. My elementary friends are doing great. Chary is now jet setting, Dhona and Chery and the others are already working in Manila. I find it so good that although they have reached something when I talk to them whether not personally they were still the same – grounded and humble.

I may not be materially rich but I care for many people and I know they care about me too.

So I think that’s all for now. Got to do the packing. Thanks for the great year. I am looking forward to another great year ahead.

God Bless Us all.

Happy New Year!

ho-ho-holiday!

After years of procrastination finally I had the courage and enough guts to take the risk. I’ve had my hair rebounded. When I was young I used to have a naturally beautiful hair but starting in my fourth year in high school it started to fall into the dread zone.

Bob Ong’s Stainless Longganisa

While roaming through the aisles of the national bookstore I spotted a counter top filled with Bob Ong’s book. There were three titles that I haven’t read yet. They were Mac Arthur, Alamat ng Gubat and Stainless Longganisa. I chose to buy the latest after I’ve read the synopsis in each back cover of the books. Stainless longganisa primarily talks about the journey Bob had as he wrote his books. It’s also filled with interesting and even weird things about many world renowned authors. Like the other books this one is very well written. It’s direct to the point and very conversational. I’d say its a great read for everyone especially to those who likes to write. Ong also showed the importance of reading. It was a good buy for me. Although reading it took my attention off from other things only for a coupleof hours.

**********************

Words of Wisdom according to me ^^

>> No one can ever hurt you unless you let yourself be hurt. It all boils down to your own self. Similarly, you can’t be happy unless you choose to.

>> It’s all about enjoying things as they come. There’s no need to think about every little detail or make every emotion a big deal because one thing is for sure – it will CHANGE.

>> Sometimes everyone needs to unleash the “bitch” within not because trip mo lang but to protect yourself. Sometimes being too nice is unhealthy.

>> There are things that are just purely complicated that we’d rather not deal with it. Step back and relax. Go smell the coffee. There are better things to do other than to think of the unthinkable.

give me a chance

I miss writing. I can’t blog as often as before. I don’t have my own PC with me. I go online in an internet shop.

Well, time really flies. tommorow is already half month off december. Today is the birthday of my twin brothers. Kuya Ronie and Kuya Rene.

But I can’t help to feel somehow frustrated with what’s been happening with our hunt for OJT. it was harder than we’ve ever expected. Yesterday I thought what if the lost etelecare opportunity was my only chance. Why all doors seem close. Nobody calls. Nobody emails back.  whew!that was kinda emo.

Still. I am doing my best not to lose hope. there’s gotta be an end to it. I just have to be patient…really patient.

If we find one I would be really happy and I promise myself that I will do my best. I would treasure it very well since i feel how hard to find it.

as of now i can’t feel the carefree and merry feel that usually comes with the holidays.

Internship….searching…

I’ve been here in Manila since December 2. On December 3 I went to Etelecare Shaw. I passed the 3 part written exam however in the second interview the interviewer said that they cannot hire me because i am still a student. I made a mistake.  I failed to elaborate and convince him that there wouldn’t be a problem even if I am still a student. I can work as usual like any other employee.  Maybe my nerves got me because it was my first time and the interviewer was sort of intimidating. When I assessed what happened when I got home I thought he didn’t give me enough chance and time to explain. Nonetheless I felt some fulfillment since I was among the few examinees who passed the written tests. Most of the other examinees were older.

On December 5, I and my classmates went to SMX Convention Center in SM Mall of Asia to see the COMDDAP Expo.

Until now I and my five other classmates are still looking for a company where we  can have our internship. We’ve been to some companies like IBM and ABS CBN. The companies just asked us to leave a resume. They said they’ll just call us. However until now we haven’t got a call from them.

It’s a bit frustrating. I certainly would love to find one soon.

Please help us…

whirlpool

I am allowing myself to be disorganized and to enjoy immense randomness in this post. It’s been days since I had my last entry because I was so caught up with the whirlwind of things to attend to.

Also, I tend to question myself whether I should continue making my personal thoughts viewable online. What if I get judged up by other people especially prospective employer through the things I write? Does it mean that  I have to extra filter the things I put in here? But I wouldn’t be myself anymore if I would be too goody-goody all the time.

Of course everyone including me has these moments of exasperation. There are times that we would like to shout out all our anger and disappointments. Some people release their tension by crying, shouting or yelling but for me its by writing it out. Having said so I find it comforting when I know someone has given off some of their precious time to read what I have written and even more when they give their comments. It means a lot to me.  It would be so much better if my words didn’t fall off to nothingness of this vast internet.

Blogging is something I enjoy. I even see myself doing this for a long time. If I will be having an opportunity to do it professionally and to earn money from it I would be eager to grab it. Blogging is the combination of the things I love – technology + communication arts.

Before I used to think that my course (I.T) is not for me. But as time went by I find myself enjoying it. First and foremost I love the internet. If I will have the opportunity and resources to pursue further studies I would still choose classes on I.T. I must admit that the knowledge I have right now are far from adequate but I have this will and aspiration to learn more and to improve. I would be really glad if someday I will be either a web designer, web administrator, programmer or software engineer or a content writer.

I would also like to improve my writing skills. I want to produce quality articles. Its my wish that someday I will be able to come up with writings that have higher relevance, not just for my own self indulgence. I am trying to help myself about it but I know it would be great if I can do it formally. I am also dreaming of working as a feature writer for a magazine or a news paper. I allow myself to dream because for me its all about possibilities. For me dreaming is something that will guide me through and would motivate me to keep on improving myself each day.

Goodbye

The past days has been darn stressful. It required me to multi-task a lot. I had to talk to a number of people to straighten things up before I go. I have said goodbye to my colleagues in the publication and to our adviser. It was a heartfelt moment for me. Other than the resignation letter I also personally talk to Ma’am. I told her “Salamat po”. I hope those two words were enough to tell her that I am really thankful for the opportunity that was given to me and that I’d like to ask for her apology for my shortcomings.  I have been there for a couple of years. Change is something that we might not like but is necessary.

On Tuesday I’m leaving for Manila. this afternoon I will begin to pack my suitcase. This time I am not packing light because I might be staying there for quite sometime. It will be my home base perhaps. I’m going to return here in San Luis, Baler and Casiguran once in a while and it might be brief. so npa na talaga ako.(no permanent address).

Right now I have mixed emotions. I cant label exactly how I feel.

I have heard from my another brother after a long time. Supposedly he has gone back here in the Philippines this November but he said they are still aboard their ship in Africa. I am happy that he has communicated to me and he told me that he’s going to send me something for Christmas but I am more of worried because he said that he can’t come home yet because it’s dangerous where they are. Just recently I’ve seen from the news that there were Pinoy seamen captured by pirates in Somalia. I thought maybe it was the reason why he said that its dangerous. I just told him to really take care, be safe and that we’re going to wait for his return.

I am also excited as well as nervous about what’s going to happen to me in Manila. I am excited and happy because my brothers and many good long time friends are there. But I am also nervous because I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen next. I know that I need to be stronger and smarter. It will be an entirely new world for me – new people to meet and to get along with, new routines that are exactly different from what I’ve been doing here.

I feel blessed because I have many good friends who stick with me all the time. I have learned to value more and more people. Sometimes its just all about reaching out.

turning points

There are new things that are happening to me lately making my life a little mixed up but exciting at the same time.

Last week I registered on jobstreet.com in preparation with my forthcoming on-the-job training. I applied as a customer service representative. Yesterday I had a phone interview with E-Telecare. I was super surprised. The conversation with the recruiter lasted for about half an hour. She asked me some questions regarding my work preference and told me some info regarding the company. I was glad when she said in the middle of the interview that I passed the test and I may go to their office for a written exam.

On Dec. 3, I will have my first ever job interview. I wish that things go well. If I pass the exam most probably I am going to have a job. Wow I am looking forward to it. It would be great for sure.

This morning I happily related to my classmates what happened yesterday. They were glad for me too. I also asked our instructor if it would be fine if I will have my OJT under a real job situation. He said it was okay and it would be better.

When I and Aimee were in the publication’s office after the meeting I received a text message from ExcelAsia, another company where I submitted my resume. My application was considered. The text message said that I am scheduled for an interview tomorrow. But of course I can’t come with such a limited time until 9 am tomorrow. Their office is in Makati. I e-mailed back asking for a change in the sked.

So obviously I was really happy. I was glad that my applications were considered. I thought I have made a step towards achieving my goal.

tatay

Yesterday marked the second year of Tatay’s certified senior citizen status!

Most probably he will not be able to see this post but then I would still like to dedicate this especially for him.

Before I used to wonder why we call him as Tatay not Papa while we call our mother as Mama, even him calls his father as such. One time I asked Mama why, she said that’s how he wants to be called so there, he’s our Tatay!

Tatay has been the best father to me and my brothers and sisters. He thought us lessons we can never learn from any school. He showed us what life is all about. He did not pamper us instead he let us to experience the hardship, not because he doesn’t care about us but because its the best way for us to learn.

One time I and my brother was talking. He said “Kahit 24 na ako isang salita lang ni Tatay susunod pa rin ako”

He gave us wings to fly but he was always there to catch us when we fall. He gave us enough independence to make our own choices and decisions for us to be strong.

He is a man of few words. He seems to think about everything that he has to say. He weighs his words carefully. In turn we, his children listen and follow accordingly not out of fear but because he has shown us that what he says is true.

He is not a ceo, a manager or a politician. He did ordinary jobs to support the family. But what made him apart from the rest? He does everything the best way he can. Everything is done with utmost diligence. He doesn’t settle to mediocrity. He makes sure that his endeavors would have the best possible result. He always tries to outdo himself. He wasn’t an engineer but he built our own biogas fuel system. He wasn’t an architect but he planned and built our house.

In his 62nd birthday I would have loved to give him gifts and packages but then I am still a student and runs from the money that he gives. hehe.

Well if I would imagine that money is not an issue I would give him the following:

• Wines. I do believe that spirits especially red wine is good for the body as long as taken moderately. Tatay doesn’t drink much for the longest time but he enjoys occasional shots of good wines. He now prefers beer, wines and branded brandy than the hard core Ginebra!

• Big, slim, high definition TV where he can watch his favorite shows like UFC, Balls channel and boxing matches especially Manny Pacquiao’s.
• A high end audio system. Tatay is an audioslave. He loves music. He likes to hear it loud and clear. He usually listens to oldies music. He likes Matt Monroe, Engelbert Humperdick, Nat King Cole, Rod Stewart and many more but when I play the music I prefer like reggae and ska he also enjoys it.
• An iPhone. Why? He enjoys texting…bagets..hehehe

But most of all he would always have our love and respect. I pray that God continues to give him good health and strength for a long life.

Happy Birthday, Tatay!