One Year

Woohoo! I didn’t notice I have been blogging for a year already. My first entry was dated Aug. 11. Oh wow, I just can’t describe well enough how this stuff helped me through this one year. It benefited me in more ways than one.

Foremost it helped me figure myself out. By writing out my thoughts I got to sort out the things I should keep from those I should just throw away.

As I blogged I learned that I should never focus on the things I lack. I shouldn’t wallow on distress but rather celebrate every victories no matter how minute they were.

The past year was a mesh of unexpected events. Some were tragic, some were hurtful but nonetheless there were the good times. Whenever I was in pain I would simply write it out, feel the pain until it hurts no more.

As i write out what was in my mind I was reminded that tomorrow was another day. It would be different than how it was. I chose to be strong. I never wanted to sound like a bitter soul. I must be my own hero. Nobody would pick me up unless I choose to help myself.

In this one year old blog I tried to be bold by saying my thoughts in raw. I know there are many people who might get to read this but it was fine with me. I believe that I am not doing anything wrong by being honest most importantly with myself. One can never put a good man down.

Whenever there were happy moments that happened I would blog it the soonest time possible. I never wanted to let it just pass because those were the memories from where I will gather strength when another blow comes into my life. I made them as a reminder for myself that no matter what happens life is still beautiful. There will be storms coupled with lightning and thunderstorm but before long it will subside to give way to a fresh and new beginning.

August 31

It’s 12:06 midnight now. It’s my second night alone here at home. Last night I thought I couldn’t stand it but I actually did. I tried to sleep at the other bedroom first because it seemed more enclosed than any other part of the house. But later on I still can’t sleep maybe because I wasn’t really that sleepy. I slept for hours that afternoon. I declared Saturday as my lazy day since there will be no work until Monday.

Again I went down turned on the television. I brought some pillows and a sheet. Hours later but I still can’t sleep. I can hear everything, even the sounds of the cockroaches.

Then I went back upstairs. From my bed I could hear the conversations of the neighbors nearby. I somehow found company. I got to sleep.

Afterward, the sun shone all over the room. The long night was over. I tried to be productive today by cleaning up the house and doing the laundry.

Facebooking kept me away from boredom.

my choice, my picks

In every season of our lives there are things that stand out from the others. They get our attention and capture our fancy. In these past few days and months I raved about these:

Lady Gaga

She’s outrageous, avant garde, out of this world. She wears outfits that seem to take forever to put together in a daily basis. I like her edgy attitude, that “i don’t care, i’ll do my thing” sense. Gaga’s so pop. Her music makes me pop too, makes me wanna get up and party all night. For quite a while her track Poker face was in constant replay in my mind. Her music’s about the glamorous life. She’s giving her listeners the vibe of the rich and famous. “Paparrazzi” does it exactly. Just Dance is also another lively track.

McDonalds Burger Meal

I had a struggle resisting the burger in the previous months. I ate those at least three times each week before I go home. It’s unhealthy, i know, fat laden and makes me feel bloated but at the same time it’s yummy. It was a guilty pleasure. I was a regular at Mc Donalds Jupiter St. I think the store is very strategically laid out. Its directly located proportional to the direction where I am going. Sometimes I just find myself inside the store ordering another meal although I have promised the day before that I will not anymore because it’s really bloating. One time I saw Dr. Paul Watts there. (Canadian volunteer in ASCOT before). Too bad he was already leaving when I spotted him, I would’ve greeted him. Before we used to greet him “Good Morning sir” and he would cheerfully reply “Magandang umaga!”

Nestle Fruit Selection Yogurt

Now I’ve made a healthy switch. I am currently hooked on Nestle Fruit Selection Yogurt. It is simply delicious and of course healthy. Every morning I buy some to take to the office. Its my effort to somehow compensate with the fried meats I usually consume.

philstar.com

This website keeps me in the loop of the latest in everything while in the office. Among the limited sites that we can browse through in our workstations it is my favorite. The next one is forbes.com followed by inquirer.net.  I like this site the most because it has the most updated contents and covers a wide range of topics. When there are not much official thing to do I read through the articles.

I check out Jessica Zafra’s column entitled Emotional Weather Report regularly. Ang galing nya! She’s so witty and clever. I am also fond of Tingting Cojuangco’s and Barbara Gonzales’s. From reading Tingting’s column I somehow get to know her better. She seems so down to earth and enlightening. She’s not a woman who is  consumed with the wealth we all now she has. Barbara Gonzales is also another favorite. From her articles I get an idea what getting old might be. She is a person who’s gone through a lot and therefore has so much wisdom to share. In one of her write ups she mentioned that whenever we fall we should just get up, dust up ourselves and go on again. So true.

double treat

Ron and Nyah had their Linggo ng Wika celebration at school today. As usual Nyah did the deed. She danced, sang and all to our delight upon watching their video tonight. Ron was nowhere to be seen. Again, he slept it through.

drenched

Today was a toxic day at work. But I loved it. I like the feeling of having a challenge to conquer. I need not compete with anyone but only with myself. I love testing my limits. I am simply delighted when I meet the goals I set for myself.

Randomly, while an officemate of mine was sort of complaining that she has to stay longer at the office because she still has an unfinished task I joked, “Oh, that’s what we call efficiency.”  We should be able to do all the things we need to accomplish within the time frame given. Anyway, it was just a remark. There are many factors that affect one’s performance.

Personally I prefer finishing the tasks given to me on time. It gives me a sense of fulfillment. Nonetheless I see to it that the quality of the output is not sacrificed.

I could say that I work hard. Therefore I make sure that I enjoy. I eat what I want. I do what I want. I could say that this is one of the best years of my life.

Definitely this is just the beginning, I am still a neophyte, and I am a newbie. But who cares? I love it. I am enjoying the ride. Now I know how to work and how to have responsibilities. There are times that it seems so hard to get up in the morning. But when I think that I am a part of a whole, that there will be a domino effect when I laze about my work I will instantly jolt up my bed.

Now I know that it is not all about oneself. It’s about standing up and fulfilling the responsibilities that I chose to take.

My typical day starts at 6:30 in the morning. I open my eyes. See to it that I have fully regained my consciousness. Reach for the towel. Head for the bath room and take a bath. Dress up, eat and fix myself.

At 8:10 I am heading my way into the office. I ride a jeepney that would take me at the foot of the Makati-Mandaluyong bridge. I ride a tricycle that stops at Kalayaan Ave., a red light district. I walk through those pubs and hotels that seemed so innocent and asleep during the day.

I walk through Jupiter Street. Cross through two main avenues. Then at 8:30 I will be at the lobby. Wear my ID. Ride the elevator.

I never got late again. I got late just once. I promised that it will not happen again and up to this time I have not yet broken it.

At exactly 9:00 to 12:00 I am in the Auto-in mode. I get up just for the bathroom breaks. At 12:00 to 1:00 I take a hearty lunch. But I prefer not too eat too much carbs and fatty viands because I don’t want the fat ass. I observed that office girls are prone to it due to long hours of sitting down. At 1:00 to 6:00 I am in the Auto-in Mode again.

Afterwards I go home. The same streets I passed through look a whole lot different by then. Kalayaan Ave. dances in colors and glittering lights.

Then I eat, clean up and do other things that my left strength still allows before I fall into a dead sleep.

The rain fell terribly hard this afternoon. Regular employees and top executives alike got stucked in the lobby. I silently observed and looked around. The lady execs were so glam. I thought if getting old means looking that great, I would surely love to get old!

My eyes locked into a particular woman. She looks very dignified. Her hair was perfect. Her crisp tailored suit still looked fresh even its already the end of the day. I hope I wasn’t staring. I know she noticed that I was looking at her because when she went out she gave me a brief sideway glance. The moment she walked past through me I exclaimed to my officemate i exclaimed “I know her! On tv”

I was certain that i know her but i didn’t immediately remember who she was. But I felt that I must know her. I followed my gut. I googled.

Then, yeah! gotcha! She was Ms. Clarissa Ocampo! The witness then of the late Pres. Estrada’s case.

Whew! I was relieved!

Shucks, I am sleepy now. The clock reads 10:20 now. I didn’t notice it’s already a Friday tomorrow, the last day of the work week. I am looking forward to a blazingly awesome weekend ahead.

SUMO!

SUMO

Shut Up Move On

Have you ever been stucked in a certain situation? You perfectly know what the solution is and yet you stayed? You get hurt you forgive you forget. Then you get hurt again. It’s like you are running in circles. You know the rational thing to do but each time the lure comes you see yourself succumbing to exactly the same situation once more. You lay your cards again hoping that it will be a different story.

Was it love? Was it obsession? Or was it’s just about being challenged? Whatever the case I must do what my title says SUMO! Shut up and move on. It’s long overdue. It’s a useless case. No need for dramatic arguments the facts are clear.

Having said so I shall focus on things that matter. That is getting a life, a fulfilled life. I need not people or circumstances that deliberately put me into unnecessary pain.

selfcentrism…vanity…

highlights

Sunday. August 23. They were going to a children’s party.

I love Ynah! Love her pink dress, too.

Saturday, 5am. Murky waters flooded the driveway.

Friday, Aug. 21, Ninoy Aquino Day. Thanks for the Holiday!

Chillax at home with the kids. Kuya Ronie wears Ninoy shirt.

refresh

night out with awesome buddies Cres and Limwell at Guilly’s, Glorietta 5

scrambled

Why there are certain things in life that we simply can’t throw away altogether. Just when we thought that we are over it, that we have moved on something will happen to prove us wrong. Our principles will be tested. Suddenly we feel the ice we’ve built melts. The order is shaken once again.

Then we’ll find ourselves mustering all the courage to walk away before history repeats itself.

Commit

Everything comes at a price. Most of the time we have to sacrifice to get a reward. We have to  choose. We can never have it all. But sometimes we want a piece of everything. Our appetites become much harder to satisfy.

Life really comes around. There are emotions that transcend age. We thought then when we reach a certain year in our life we will not experience the same feelings that we used to have. But then we’ll be proven wrong. Those feelings may change in form and manifestation but in essence they are still the same.

To improve our lives there are measures that we have to take. Prevention is better than cure. Its better to be proactive than to be reactive.

Obstacles are part of life. There are factors that seem to draw us back just when we thought we have inched two notches.

Okay, fine. I’ve done so much talking when in fact all i want to communicate is that i am not in my best me because of some rather stupidity. I did fall again fortunately I got to swim before I drowned. Now I am trying to bring back my life the way it has been for quite sometime – orderly, quiet, predictable.

I was about to risk too much for that little piece of happiness. I still have a lifetime to live there is no need to get stuck.

“Grow up, move on.”

thought bubbles

I am quite silent in person. I observe. I listen. For years I’ve been trying to live by the day, by the present. It works for me. As a result I don’t go through past events in verbatim anymore.What for, its over and done. But I guess it’s making me a little boring person.

I really, badly and definitely miss and need my own computer. When I have one I immediately write down my thoughts. As a result, I generally capture the essence. When everything is still fresh I write with utmost spontaneity. Suddenly I can do touch typing. It must be adrenaline rush.

A dream then and now

When I was in grade three my father asked me what would I like to be when I grow up. It was the time that I learned the concept of “future”. He suggested being a dentist. Two years later he suggested being a businesswoman. High school years came and passed. In my heart I felt that to write is what I want. Until now I still feel it.

When I was still studying my favorite type of exam was the essay type. I felt that I have a higher chance of faring well when I was given a chance to elaborate  my idea and to explain.

Today I dream of becoming a columnist. Whether it will come true or not it’s alright with me. In this space I created for myself in the blogosphere I will be my own columnist. Somehow, someway I am living up a dream.

I do keep on writing because I want to. It makes me happy. When it seems everyone is too busy to hear me this space  is always waiting for me.

Life in Death

The moment we say hello we know the next one will be goodbye. When we are born the countdown to our extinction begins. Nothing is permanent. We know that all too well.

Early morning last saturday I woke up early upon hearing the hustles in the living room. When I went down I saw Kuya Ronie and his family getting ready to go to Tarlac for the nth episode of the kasama sa bahay saga. The tv was on. Later on Sen. Noynoy Aquino delivered the news. His mother Pres. Cory already passed away. At first I had no any reaction. I dont know whether my pick up was just slow. Later on it sanked through.

The next hours and days were all about Cory. The whole nation mourned.

Wednesday was declared a special non working holiday. I stayed in bed until lunch time. I could hear from our neighbor’s tv the heart wrenching songs. Later that afternoon I saw Kris deliver her eulogy. I wasn’t sure whether I was still having the chestpains i have for a couple of days then or was i just hit by the wave of sadness. I thought i was already immune to such kinds of emotion but after sometime I can no longer hold out the tears.

Being the youngest child also in the family I saw myself in Kris. I wish I had her courage to say the words that need to be spoken.

Cory’s death is definitely a sad event but it helped me  be enlightened. It leaves a challenge to everyone. I wish to have a fulfilled life like hers in my own way so that when the time comes for me to rest I will peacefully lay down the coffin.

But I hope it will not be soon yet.