whirlpool

I am allowing myself to be disorganized and to enjoy immense randomness in this post. It’s been days since I had my last entry because I was so caught up with the whirlwind of things to attend to.

Also, I tend to question myself whether I should continue making my personal thoughts viewable online. What if I get judged up by other people especially prospective employer through the things I write? Does it mean that  I have to extra filter the things I put in here? But I wouldn’t be myself anymore if I would be too goody-goody all the time.

Of course everyone including me has these moments of exasperation. There are times that we would like to shout out all our anger and disappointments. Some people release their tension by crying, shouting or yelling but for me its by writing it out. Having said so I find it comforting when I know someone has given off some of their precious time to read what I have written and even more when they give their comments. It means a lot to me.  It would be so much better if my words didn’t fall off to nothingness of this vast internet.

Blogging is something I enjoy. I even see myself doing this for a long time. If I will be having an opportunity to do it professionally and to earn money from it I would be eager to grab it. Blogging is the combination of the things I love – technology + communication arts.

Before I used to think that my course (I.T) is not for me. But as time went by I find myself enjoying it. First and foremost I love the internet. If I will have the opportunity and resources to pursue further studies I would still choose classes on I.T. I must admit that the knowledge I have right now are far from adequate but I have this will and aspiration to learn more and to improve. I would be really glad if someday I will be either a web designer, web administrator, programmer or software engineer or a content writer.

I would also like to improve my writing skills. I want to produce quality articles. Its my wish that someday I will be able to come up with writings that have higher relevance, not just for my own self indulgence. I am trying to help myself about it but I know it would be great if I can do it formally. I am also dreaming of working as a feature writer for a magazine or a news paper. I allow myself to dream because for me its all about possibilities. For me dreaming is something that will guide me through and would motivate me to keep on improving myself each day.

Goodbye

The past days has been darn stressful. It required me to multi-task a lot. I had to talk to a number of people to straighten things up before I go. I have said goodbye to my colleagues in the publication and to our adviser. It was a heartfelt moment for me. Other than the resignation letter I also personally talk to Ma’am. I told her “Salamat po”. I hope those two words were enough to tell her that I am really thankful for the opportunity that was given to me and that I’d like to ask for her apology for my shortcomings.  I have been there for a couple of years. Change is something that we might not like but is necessary.

On Tuesday I’m leaving for Manila. this afternoon I will begin to pack my suitcase. This time I am not packing light because I might be staying there for quite sometime. It will be my home base perhaps. I’m going to return here in San Luis, Baler and Casiguran once in a while and it might be brief. so npa na talaga ako.(no permanent address).

Right now I have mixed emotions. I cant label exactly how I feel.

I have heard from my another brother after a long time. Supposedly he has gone back here in the Philippines this November but he said they are still aboard their ship in Africa. I am happy that he has communicated to me and he told me that he’s going to send me something for Christmas but I am more of worried because he said that he can’t come home yet because it’s dangerous where they are. Just recently I’ve seen from the news that there were Pinoy seamen captured by pirates in Somalia. I thought maybe it was the reason why he said that its dangerous. I just told him to really take care, be safe and that we’re going to wait for his return.

I am also excited as well as nervous about what’s going to happen to me in Manila. I am excited and happy because my brothers and many good long time friends are there. But I am also nervous because I don’t exactly know what’s going to happen next. I know that I need to be stronger and smarter. It will be an entirely new world for me – new people to meet and to get along with, new routines that are exactly different from what I’ve been doing here.

I feel blessed because I have many good friends who stick with me all the time. I have learned to value more and more people. Sometimes its just all about reaching out.

turning points

There are new things that are happening to me lately making my life a little mixed up but exciting at the same time.

Last week I registered on jobstreet.com in preparation with my forthcoming on-the-job training. I applied as a customer service representative. Yesterday I had a phone interview with E-Telecare. I was super surprised. The conversation with the recruiter lasted for about half an hour. She asked me some questions regarding my work preference and told me some info regarding the company. I was glad when she said in the middle of the interview that I passed the test and I may go to their office for a written exam.

On Dec. 3, I will have my first ever job interview. I wish that things go well. If I pass the exam most probably I am going to have a job. Wow I am looking forward to it. It would be great for sure.

This morning I happily related to my classmates what happened yesterday. They were glad for me too. I also asked our instructor if it would be fine if I will have my OJT under a real job situation. He said it was okay and it would be better.

When I and Aimee were in the publication’s office after the meeting I received a text message from ExcelAsia, another company where I submitted my resume. My application was considered. The text message said that I am scheduled for an interview tomorrow. But of course I can’t come with such a limited time until 9 am tomorrow. Their office is in Makati. I e-mailed back asking for a change in the sked.

So obviously I was really happy. I was glad that my applications were considered. I thought I have made a step towards achieving my goal.

tatay

Yesterday marked the second year of Tatay’s certified senior citizen status!

Most probably he will not be able to see this post but then I would still like to dedicate this especially for him.

Before I used to wonder why we call him as Tatay not Papa while we call our mother as Mama, even him calls his father as such. One time I asked Mama why, she said that’s how he wants to be called so there, he’s our Tatay!

Tatay has been the best father to me and my brothers and sisters. He thought us lessons we can never learn from any school. He showed us what life is all about. He did not pamper us instead he let us to experience the hardship, not because he doesn’t care about us but because its the best way for us to learn.

One time I and my brother was talking. He said “Kahit 24 na ako isang salita lang ni Tatay susunod pa rin ako”

He gave us wings to fly but he was always there to catch us when we fall. He gave us enough independence to make our own choices and decisions for us to be strong.

He is a man of few words. He seems to think about everything that he has to say. He weighs his words carefully. In turn we, his children listen and follow accordingly not out of fear but because he has shown us that what he says is true.

He is not a ceo, a manager or a politician. He did ordinary jobs to support the family. But what made him apart from the rest? He does everything the best way he can. Everything is done with utmost diligence. He doesn’t settle to mediocrity. He makes sure that his endeavors would have the best possible result. He always tries to outdo himself. He wasn’t an engineer but he built our own biogas fuel system. He wasn’t an architect but he planned and built our house.

In his 62nd birthday I would have loved to give him gifts and packages but then I am still a student and runs from the money that he gives. hehe.

Well if I would imagine that money is not an issue I would give him the following:

• Wines. I do believe that spirits especially red wine is good for the body as long as taken moderately. Tatay doesn’t drink much for the longest time but he enjoys occasional shots of good wines. He now prefers beer, wines and branded brandy than the hard core Ginebra!

• Big, slim, high definition TV where he can watch his favorite shows like UFC, Balls channel and boxing matches especially Manny Pacquiao’s.
• A high end audio system. Tatay is an audioslave. He loves music. He likes to hear it loud and clear. He usually listens to oldies music. He likes Matt Monroe, Engelbert Humperdick, Nat King Cole, Rod Stewart and many more but when I play the music I prefer like reggae and ska he also enjoys it.
• An iPhone. Why? He enjoys texting…bagets..hehehe

But most of all he would always have our love and respect. I pray that God continues to give him good health and strength for a long life.

Happy Birthday, Tatay!

enjoying nature’s beauty

We all went out for a picnic this afternoon. It was great. We went to the Ermita Hills in Baler. We all enjoyed it especially the kids who have become used on being at home all the time. They roamed around the place as if they never get tired. They keep on running and jumping from one place to another. It’s really fun to be a child. There is nothing to worry. Every time is playtime. When they get older for sure they are going to realize and miss it too.

The Ermita Hills is one of the major attractions here in Baler. It is several kilometers away from the heart of the municipality. We pass by our College on the way.From the deck in one of the kiosks we can see the ocean that envelops the town. The wind blew strongly. It was cold.

I really enjoyed my time. It feels great to see such a beauty and to be with the company of my family. Somehow I wasn’t lonely anymore. As I sat in on one of the benches I remembered my classmates. We have spent many good times in that place. I wonder if it will ever happen again. It’s a good thing though that we have some memories to look back to.

kid at heart

I’m missing….

my mother who nags me when I’m being lazy..who tells me long stories or sermons..who keeps on reminding me to be a “good girl”…who cooks the best adobo (for me)…who doesn’t want me to switch channels when the show’s wowowee…

my ate who lets me to speak up and to share my stories..who listens to my opinions and views about “adult issues”…who acknowledges that my taste’s better than hers…who gives me cellphone load…

my father who speaks with wisdom…who has an impeccable sense of humor…who works with utmost diligence and aim for perfection…

my brothers who makes me feel that I am one of the boys…who plays billiards with me sa kanto…who made me interested in cars…who all love to watch sports on tv – boxing, basketball, golf, racing..who are cock derby fans..who enjoys fundador and jack daniels…

my friends and my classmates who share long stories…who laugh loud..who has ravenous appetites..who are music fans..who dares to be happily different…who are real…who talks aloud…who never runs out of stories to tell…who can spend hours upon hours sitting side by side along the tree lined benches…who never seem to have any trace of worry for the days ahead…

Yes, I know, I am not a kid anymore. But maybe I will always be a child at heart. Christmas is just around the corner. Ate Chit have put some Christmas lights and garlands around the house. I wish this season I can be with them. I miss the noise. I miss the laughter. I miss them.

Priorities

There are many aspects that comprise one’s life. We’ve got family, friends and professional life. We’re like a juggler. We’ve got to balance all these things in order to live a well rounded life. It needs a lot of effort in order to take care of everything. We wouldn’t like to miss to catch any of them because when they crash its hard to patch them back.

Sometimes we have to choose according to what we think is best and what will give the best possible outcome for ourselves. There are times that we set aside our family and friends in order to accelerate professionally. Sometimes we get so caught up with having good times with our friends which makes our professional life to delineate.

Baler

B-beautiful

A-awesome

L-laid back

E-exquisite

R-refreshing

Baler is one of my favorite places. I consider it as my second home. I have spent eight years of my life in this place. I’ve met my friends here who are worth keeping for the rest of my life and it has places that would always be a part of me wherever life may take me.

The Baler beach in Sabang is special to me the same way that it holds a special place in the heart of every Balerian and anyone who got the chance to see it.  My fondest memories include simply sitting by the concrete benches on top of the sea wall with my friends as we silently observe the waves roll by along the shoreline. The magnificence that it always carries effectively eases our weary hearts. Whenever I have burdens a walk along the coast makes it easier to carry. The water seems to feel for me. As I stare at it, it seemed to understand every unspoken word in my heart.

The Beach creates a common point amongst the diverse people. It serves as a wonderful escape for everyone. When I observe the throng of people that usually abound the beach I can see a common expression among our faces- we’re all at peace, contented and joyful. At the beach we’re one with nature.

Reflections

Writing about what’s in my mind is a treat for me, just like an ice cream galore.  I am allowing myself this indulgence for the meantime as a reward for the long and busy but productive and fulfilling day I had today.

As I went stumbling on the net, contrary to my thrust the other night, I saw these:

75 questions to ask yourself

An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life

beautiful day

today’s a one huge blend of many activities.

I went to school just right in time, which rarely happens.  I’ve got to meet up with the other staff of the publication in the office. I assigned them with their tasks. I just hope they take it seriously.

While I, Aimee and Elei were about to have a snack in the canteen, Jo(another staff) called me up. She said the College President wanted to talk to us in his office. President told us many important things. First off he said that he’d like us to apply for the 10 day conference in Japan. Syempre naexcite parin ako although I’ve already learned about it yesterday. I wish this time matuloy na. Then he told us to make sure that an issue of our news paper to be released this December. Well nonetheless he gave some good comments about me. Natuwa naman ako. Its nice to know that he believes in me.

I really hope that I get to finish this project successfully as soon as possible. We’re working at it in full time. But of course I cannot finish all the needed articles by myself alone. I also need the cooperation of the others. I have number of assignments delegated to the other staffs and persons concerned. As of this time none has been submitted yet.

By lunchtime we went to the rehearsal of the college chorale. we’re planning to feature them in the magazine. We gathered the major information about the group and the members. We also did some personal interview with  some of the members.

By 4pm we went to the Baler Police Station to follow up in our research about motorcycle related accidents. It’s for another article in the news paper.  PO3 Evangeline Ortiz accommodated us. We learned important facts about the topic through the interview.

She even suggested a photo op.

I reached home way past the usual time. Whew! parang pro press kami!

I still have so many things to do. As much as I want to work at night here at home I already feel very tired.  O God please help me.

The Voice

I’m tired but I’m happy because I think we’re on the right track. We wish to finish the news magazine as soon as possible. I have a ton load of research, news writing, feature writing and editing to do. I wish there are forty eight hours in a day! just kidding…

I’ve lost track of my nanowrimo. My word count is behind. Last night I was caught on the great sites I’ve stumbled upon and little tweaking of my web browser so I ended up tired without accomplishing any of my tasks. I think I need to discipline myself more. Got to work work and work! whew!

So from now on there’s got to be less wandering on the net. Instead I have to do the mile long writing of the ASCOT stuffs.

I’m glad Aimee and Elei are helping and joining me through the process.

 

 

 

Alvin and Jansen also visits the office once in a while. I hope they find more time and really commit on doing the job.

Randomness

I want to dip, lick and dunk a jar of oreos.

I want to eat all freshly made sandwiches on subway.

Can I go to Jurrasic Park with you?

Girls are like
apples on trees. The best
ones are at the top of the tree.
The boys don’t want to reach for
the good ones because they are afraid
of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they
just get the rotten apples from the ground
that aren’t as good, but easy. So the apples
at the top think something is wrong with
them, when in reality, they’re amazing.
They just have to wait for the right
boy to come along, the one
who’s brave enough
to climb
all the way
to the top
of the tree.

Women I admire

 It’s been raining for a long time. The weather gives off a gloomy atmosphere. I do my best to fight the boredom by eating, sleeping, watching TV, listening to music, texting, reading online and playing with the kids once in a while.

To pass off the time I’d like to share these:

Not just once that a friend of mine whom I’ve had lengthy conversations with commented that I am a feminist. I think they can say that. For me a woman should have her own identity. She should be able to do well on her own. A woman is capable of doing great things for the society.

It’s been a while since I last watch a lot of TV shows. In my recent viewing sessions I noticed that Judy Ann Santos is very visible on different ads especially the Pantene commercial and showbiz oriented programs. I also happened to watch her movie Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo on Cinema One last night. I don’t identify myself as a Juday fan but certainly I consider her as an admirable person. She’s someone any woman, especially Filipino women can find inspiration from. She has managed to sustain a bright career but remained grounded. From her interviews we can observe that she’s more than a movie star, she is a real person.

Another program on TV caught my attention one afternoon. It was One Proud Mama in Qtv 11. The guest of the program was Sari Yap and her Mom. Sari’s story inspired me so much. She is the CEO of Mega Publishing. Mega publishes many leading magazines in our country. She graduated from UP with the degree of Broadcast Communication. When she graduated from College she went to Spain. When she went back she established the first glossy fashion and beauty magazine in the country. She single handedly established it until it achieved its very successful status today. Her mom said that when Sari wants something she really works hard for it. Jaya, the show’s host asked Sari on what she really loves to do. Sari said doing the things she like and getting money from it. Sari also shared that ever since she has entrepreneurial inclination and skills. She shared that when she was in College she would stock her car’s trunk with clothes and she’d sell it to her classmates.

I wish I can have a story similar with them in my own unique way…

Bicol: Another Home

One of the main events of my life this year was the vacation I had with Kuya Roger, Tatay and Mama in Bicol last June. I’ve been so caught up with other things right after we came back, as a result, I didn’t get to make a journal entry for it the same way I did for the vacation we had in GenSan and Davao in Summer 2007 and my summer break this 2008.

Since I am feeling great at this moment I would like to do one. Besides that trip was such a great experience. Memories of it give me nostalgia.

So here it goes…

Our flight to Legaspi City, Albay was scheduled June 22, 7am but then hours before that time typhoon Frank was already waging terror upon Manila. By 2am the wind was blowing so gustily and the rain was pounding very hard. In a while the power was out also. We were all in a daze. We doubted whether we should go on. But then my brother summoned that we should still proceed to the airport because if ever the flight continues and we got left behind there would be a list long of fees that we have to pay. So, amidst the terrible weather we drove to the centennial airport. We feared of running into falling billboards or lamp posts along the way. We reached the Centennial Airport, in the domestic flights section, when got out from the car we run into the turbulent weather conditions.

getting better

I am feeling and getting better. I am not sick anymore. My month long cough has finally ended. I thought of going to school in the morning but with the heavy rain I decided to stay home. I thought I deserve a treat for myself. I cooked and ate as much as I can. I joined my nephew in his afternoon sleep. When we woke up we ate more and we had some sound trip.

AC and Cedric doing a cover of Ehead’s Magasin ^^

It’s been a month of harshness. Problems came by one after another even many at the same time. Since the role play we had for our class things have come hard for me. I got sick but I had to do so many things for my studies. I did my best to complete all the requirements despite the poor state of health I had.

I had a chance to come home but I wasn’t able to enjoy it at its best because of my sickness and most of all because of the problems I left behind.

I had to come back earlier than I would have wanted. My superiors were pressing me to do something. I thought we had some miscommunication which led to delayed accomplishment of the reports.

I felt much pressured. I had to fix the problem almost by myself. I even shed some tears, curse some and drink some because of it. But now the problem is almost finish. I am glad that I got to conquer it through Him.

The major thing that I have to attend to now is the news magazine for our school publication. I hope to finish it as soon as possible. I and my classmates are planning to go to Manila to apply for OJT and even for work if deemed possible.

i smiled again

Finally the burdens have become easier to carry. I am very thankful to Him. Once again after a long time I managed to smile. The seemingly permanent creases on my forehead have straightened. God is good. My suffering is not as much as it was before. Although there are still things that I need to attend to at least the major haze on the matter has faded.

I miss my friends. It’s been a while that I have been on my own succumbed into piles of paper works. I feel like having a good time. I hope I can have somebody just to hang around with.

Wow the song’s playing while I am writing this is TLC’s I Miss You So Much. The lyrics of the song sort of say something.

I think the”curse” of being an adult has already fallen on me. I feel like there’s just so much responsibility that I shouldn’t be too carefree anymore. What my future will be depends on the choices I make today. I am somewhat pressured to do well because if not there’s nobody who would pick me up or prepare the path for me.

I need to swim. It means that I really have to work really hard. The time has come for me to take things seriously if I want to have a career in the future.

I think what I have been going through in the past couple of weeks is helping me a lot to prepare. The watery eyes, sleepless nights, lessened eat-all-I-cans were all worth it. They were just ways for me to find the courage, strength and my faith in Him.

McCain concedes

The real measure of a man is how well he accepts defeat. I just find it amazing how McCain accepted his loss on the presidential race over Barack Obama.

With the concession speech that he delivered, I believe that he is indeed an honorable man. He was very respectful and compassionate especially when he did not only congratulated Obama but also mentioned that he’s sorry that Obama’s grandmother did not live to see the success of the man he helped to raise and when he encouraged all Americans especially his supporters to unite in supporting their new president – Barack Obama.

His concession speech was a great one. It takes a real man to deliver such.

Technorati Tags: obama,mccain,us election

beerday

Warning: I am under the influence of a four glassful and a half of beer while writing this.

I can’t think straight. Random thoughts cross my head. I’ll just click the keyboard not minding what would come out.

I had a hard day. It’s like I am trying to pass through a needle head. I got by. I managed to get through the day. But it just somehow hurts me when they seem to condemn me when right from the start I know I did my part. My conscience is clear that I didn’t do anything wrong. But that wouldn’t be acceptable. I have to prove it to them in black and white. It’s just money. Why would I ever ruin my simple name just by such. I am someone who’s used on having a simple life. I wouldn’t  want something that I cannot afford. Thus, I wouldn’t squander anyone’s money just to suffice any material whim.

Well, hell. Step on the brakes. in fairness to them they are not telling me that I did get something that wasn’t mine. But the mere fact that it passed by my jurisdiction I am accountable for it. So what do I now? Well, I just have to assume the responsibility. This just shows that sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.

But there’s one thing that I am sure of, I did my best to do my part. I tried to give myself in doing the job. But still it wasn’t enough. The efforts I’ve given wasn’t able to deliver a perfect outcome.

Nonetheless, I learned a lot from this experience. I have learned to be patient. I know this is something that will guide me through the times to come. I know I can do better next time.

Happy Birthday!

the Light within

Life is a continuous process of learning. I have to fall down to find the courage to rise up again. I need to be weak to find the strength I have within. I have to cry to appreciate the good times I had. I have to let go of the things that can’t be mine to embrace everything that are openly waiting before my very eyes. I need to shut off a parcel of tainted memories in my mind so as not to prevent the streak of light that would enlighten my path when it seems so dark. Sometimes I have to be on my own to realize that there are things that I can do very well alone. There are times that I have to endure sadness, loneliness and grief to seek the comfort of the presence of God within the innermost corner of my heart.

I consider my life a long journey of many ups, downs, detours and intersections. It is in contrast with my expectation when I was a kid and when I was still innocently seeing life as nothing but a huge playground for merrymaking. I never thought then that life itself is an enduring process to achieve one’s personhood and individuality.

Despite the fact that life could be troublesome sometimes I still love it in its wholeness. Why wouldn’t I? It’s the most precious gift I have from our Creator. I have decided to live it the best way I can because I know it is the only way that I can show my gratitude. I have also realized that life doesn’t revolve around oneself alone. I need to be the best that I can be in order to affect the people around me in a positive way and to somehow help them to find their individuality as well.

No two people are exactly the same. Each one is a unique blend of assets and flaws. Everyone is like an imperfect stone that needs to weather the harsh process of polishing in order to reveal the precious piece of jewel hidden inside. Every heart ache and every tear doesn’t end in vain because they are indelible marks of our learning.

If we try to ask people what would they want in life for sure many would answer that they want to be happy. But what is happiness? Is it something that is covered with colorful patterns of intricate wrapping? Is it something that can be bought from an expensive boutique or in a thrift shop? No, it isn’t. Happiness is a decision. Happiness is a choice we make. It is a matter of perspective really. We may observe people having all the riches that even we, ourselves would wish that we have but still they don’t see themselves as a happy person. It only shows that material riches are not everything. It still depends in one’s heart and ability to see and appreciate what he has been blessed with instead to be regretful and sad because of the many things that he may like but has not been his yet.

The more we give, the more we gain. When we share a piece of ourselves through sharing of our time and attention to someone else who needs it we can feel that we don’t lose anything, instead, we can feel an inexplicable joy in our heart because we know that somehow we made a difference in that person’s life by showing that he is indeed important.

3rd nov

This is it.What’s going to happen today? Will it be favorable to me? I can only hope so.